The Best Holiday Movies to Watch While High

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By: Claire Downs

This holiday season, you’ve gotta get your entertainment in order, or you run the risk of rewatching four seasons of Game of Thrones with your brother, just so he can finally be on your level. You also run the risk of trying to get blazed comfortably while overly sappy, guilt-inducing holiday movies play on cable in “marathon” form. It’s not a fun high when you’re watching a second-rate Jesus whine to a cherub about why children are so ungrateful on Lifetime. While you’re back home ballin’, these are the funniest, best movies of the season to delight your weed-heightened senses.

The Muppet Christmas Carol

If you’re in a more sentimental mood, I strongly recommend The Muppet Christmas Carol. It will definitely take you back, and give you all the sweet, cute, felt puppet vibes from your youth that you’re craving—in addition to Funyuns. Also, Michael Caine and a flock of puppet chickens. What’s not to love?

Where to watch: HBO Now, Amazon, iTunes

White Christmas

It’s Bing Crosby, it’s George Clooney’s perfect mom, Rosemary! It’s singing and dancing and complicated routines. White Christmas is saccharine, to be sure, but the Technicolor film and cool musical numbers are a sight to behold. And, you’ll be talking in a Judy Garland-style accent for the rest of the night.

Where to watch: Netflix, Amazon, iTunes

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, which features the first known film depiction of Mrs. Claus, is a mashed-up mess and has a deserved 25 percent score on Rotten Tomatoes, which makes it perfect fodder for the Mystery Science Theater crew. And oh boy, does the cast exploit its epic awfulness in their hilarious riffs. The MST3K episode also has an original song called “A Patrick Swayze Christmas.” You’re not finding that in those Lifetime marathons.

Where to watch: YouTube has both in their entirety (Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and MST3K)

A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Seven years after escaping Guantanamo Bay, Harold and Kumar are back at it again. Through a series of events that lead to Harold getting back on the cannabis wagon, the guys end up performing in a Christmas show starring Neil Patrick Harris (as played by Neil Patrick Harris). The film also features a bong-smoking Santa and a role for Danny Trejo. It’s got a 61 out of 100 on Metacritic, which is pretty damn good for a Christmas movie—not that you need ratings when you have me to tell you it’s worth your weed and time.

Where to watch: Amazon, iTunes (sadly not in 3D)

Eight Crazy Nights

On the first night of Hanukkah, Davey Stone (Adam Sandler), an alcoholic 33-year-old, gets arrested in his hometown for refusing to pay his bill at a Chinese restaurant. Sentenced to community service, Davey learns the true meaning of the season. With Sandler, Jon Lovitz, and Kevin Nealon contributing voice work, this rather adult animated musical, which takes its name from its star’s song of the same name and shows love to cinematically underserved Jewish holiday, makes for one crazy night.

Where to watch: Amazon, iTunes

A Christmas Carol

In this modernized version of A Christmas Carol, Bill Murray portrays an egotistical TV executive who will stop at nothing to get those hot network ratings and generally acts like a dickhead to everyone. The movie has got a mean streak that is the antidote to all the syrupy fare playing during the season.

Where to watch: Netflix, Amazon, iTunes


If you’ve never seen Elf, listen to your peers: It lives up to the hype, it’s incredibly heartwarming, and it’s Will Ferrell at his most slapstickiest. The movie’s got vintage Zooey Deschanel, cranky James Caan, and cranky Bob Newhart. There are also hilarious performances by Amy Sedaris, Peter Dinklage, and Andy Richter. Plus, all the candy Buddy Elf gorges on will make you feel less guilty for getting your own munchies on.

Where to watch: Amazon, iTunes

Bad Santa

Like Scrooged, Bad Santa is a film that wants zero parts of the seasonal sappiness. In one of his most memorable roles, Billy Bob Thornton plays a foul-mouthed, horny, alcoholic criminal working as a mall Santa while secretly plotting to burgle the joint with his crew. This flick essentially inspired SantaCon’s devolution into a drunken, brawling pub crawl, but don’t hold that against it.

Where to watch: Amazon, Netflix, HBO Now

Claire Downs is a writer and comedian based out of Los Angeles. She’s written for Nickelodeon, VH1, Funny or Die, and Hello Giggles. You can follow her on Twitter @clairecdowns. She prefers Indica to Sativa, in case you’re wondering.